Dewar's White Label

Dewar's White Label is a hallowed standard at VFW halls, shitty bars and post-funeral luncheons across America. Enjoying a robust following among the greatest generation, it's the dirty old, felony-convicted uncle that shows up unannounced. Sure, he's a good time, but you pretend you don't know him unless you're particularly shitfaced, pressured by your family, or feeling charitable.

Dewar's White Label is, sadly, the first scotch many people I know drank. This often ensures that it is also the last scotch they drink, which may be good because it keeps the demand for good scotch lower. Its scent provides a general indication that it is not rum or vodka, but little to please your nose. This beverage is best enjoyed on the porch of a nursing home while thinking about relatives that don't call you, or in your grandfather's library amidst his animal trophies. The only way to really enjoy this is to mix it 60/40 with club soda and an iceberg's worth of ice. It's bearable at that point, but add enough club and ice and even Lady Gaga is palatable.

Not every girl can be prom queen - some just stay home, cry and cut themselves. They'd make those cuts just a little bit deeper if they were also drinking Dewar's White Label.

1.5 out of 5 stars.